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Just a small confection. I don’t remember writing it, but I found it on my desktop…

Star Sign Dating

My reticence to acquaint with another Aries cannot equal the sheer abandonment I receive from them. Problem solved. You can’t get them to respond to your phone calls, so why bother?

Geminis spend more time on your friendship (when they notice you’ve disappeared in their inattention).

You could spend a lifetime waiting for a Libra


Cosmic crystal grid

to call you back, and it takes a while to get over them once they do call you with their luminous attention given.

Virgo nitpicking seems like a picnic because at least they spend time investing in you until they realize you can’t get it right (whatever it is).

Then it’s a relief to turn to your Leo cruise director and let them lead you around for a while. Until they disappear too and never let you know what happened.

The Capricorn and I dissect these trends at the bar and kiss expertly then part dispassionately.

I go back to the Taurus, portrait of daddy who won’t leave the sofa to save his own marriage and eventually I walk away bored.

I pass the Pisces, busy watching navel, sign on neck reading, “I’m into open relationships—what’s wrong with you if you aren’t?” and I walk straight down the street to never again

—but wait! I lock eyes with the Scorpio who assumes his power easily and takes caresses carelessly, hedons stroking egos all around.

Saggitarius makes me laugh then it’s plumb the depths and done.

I need a good long swim in Aquarius again—only man I left before he left me.

Who’s left, then? They must be gods at dating because I never see them. They must be paired off and hiding happily, together in utter contentment. Cancer and I may be destined, unless the new planet intervenes.